All the world is a stage and all men and women are mere actors. Shakespeare was almost right. In fact, on stage, the world can see everything and the men and women just play skinny. Onstage, people can see every chop, sway, move and enough belly fat for Pillsbury Dough Boy’s agent to call asking him to replace him once his contract with Pillsbury expires. To make matters worse, a set involves a spotlight and usually still photography and video footage where, if they have the right camera angle, it can look like an audition tape for The Biggest Loser.

The good news is that there are things you can do to look skinny on stage and it doesn’t involve converting to the Islamic faith and adopting the burqa…a plus size burqa. There are several things you can do to look slim and polished on stage:

• Hide the flaccidity of the arm. Unless you’re Michelle Obama with killer arms, you may need to cover those triceps. You may find yourself fully inspired and gesticulating wildly on stage. Later, looking back at video footage of the event, she sees the extra skin on her arm flapping so wildly that the audience was expecting her to peel off at any moment. Unfortunately, Spanx doesn’t make arm bras, so he’ll have to hide those arms by wearing a 3/4 sleeve or long sleeve or he can wear a jacket over his outfit. Sometimes a jacket is the preferable option because with a thin fabric you can still see the movement of your poorly toned arms.
• Disguise the belly. To hide your belly fat, do the 8-minute ab workout… every day… for a year. If you don’t have a time machine, I have a word for you, Spanx. All the super skinny celebrities you see on TV use then, it’s like steroids for women. It’s not an unfair advantage if we’re all doing it. If Spanx still isn’t enough, then you can hide your belly with something that’s tricky, like a wrap top or wrap dress, or a top or dress that has ruching in the midsection. Also take photos from the front, not photos from the side.
• Disguise the loot. If you’re so delicious that Beyonce would need to add another 5 minutes of song lyrics to include you, then you definitely need a way to disguise your butt. Keep his lower half in dark colors and draw attention to the upper half of his body. Accessories, metallics, and bright colors are great for accentuating your top half.

Placing a full-length photo of Gisele Bündchen on the front of your body is one way to look skinny on stage. However, with this strategy, there will be several guys with big butterfly nets standing on stage ready to take you to a ‘setup’. Getting slim on stage can be achieved with a few simple tricks of the trade to minimize problem areas. With any luck, your performance on stage will leave you full of energy and confidence and won’t end up in a Shakespearean tragedy.