What is wrong (or is it right?) in us that we think we have to be Super Woman, Superior Mom and Superlative Worker? Is it drive and ambition or the blind belief that if we don’t do it all, no one will, so nothing will ever get done? Do you see the redundancy of this award? it’s terrifying. Maybe if no one does it, it never needed to be done to begin with, and since it will never be done (without you and your stamina), no one will ever know it wasn’t done because apparently it never needed to be done in the first place. .

Multitasking is a way of life, a human condition of living today. With a finite number of minutes in a day, to keep the “Super” status we love wrapped around our shoulders, we’ve forced ourselves into a burgeoning box of bloated obligations and overwhelming pressure to achieve everything imaginable with just a perceptible sign of any extreme exertion energy. And where does all this supremacy take us? To power and importance, sometimes, to a sense of well-being, from time to time, to exhaustion and possible despair, quite often.

You may be thinking, “She’s crazy! I can do everything and be everything to everyone. Never despair! There’s no time for such silly excitement.” Exhaustion maybe, but I cover it so well!“The loud voice within is screaming SAVE THE WORLD, but it’s the soft whisper of our souls that can give us the best idea of ​​who we are while shielding us from the urge to accomplish all things in 29 seconds or less.

I’ll tell you, as a highly experienced multitasker, doing it all is fun. There are few more exciting and rewarding events for me than starting my morning at 5 am. articles and edition of another three. And there are still many hours of the day to unfold and fill with a hundred additional tasks. What a great sense of importance and value. It makes me feel powerful and omnipotent.

That’s when I realize I had a conference at 8, right in the middle of my morning rush, and I couldn’t dial. It is true that 62 tasks have been completed in an exemplary fashion, but the one of greatest importance, the one that was a deep commitment and obligation, was pushed under the rising waves of Super-dom. That’s when despair begins to creep into my mind. Even if it wasn’t a big deal not being able to connect with people on the conference call, it feels like a profound flaw in my ability to multitask. It’s at this low point that I can finally acknowledge that this wasn’t multitasking. It was quad multitasking and that’s a whole package of tasks compressed into a minimum of minutes.

So what is the difference between multitasking and quad multitasking? Unfortunately, multitasking has become an expectation. We women have given the crown of victory by demanding too much of ourselves. Instead of delegating as needed, we self-assess. With the belief that “Nobody can do the job like I can”, we have included ourselves in a collection signed, sealed and delivered under the guise of “I can and will do anything”. Somewhere in the midst of this quad multitasking fiasco, we must yell, “Stop! I want to get off!” And we have to mean it. To say enough about the inability to let go, we’re only taking ourselves to a more vulnerable state of being, one in which we don’t just QMT (Quadruple Multi-Tasking; Quite Mentally Totaled; trembling with lots of Tiptop actions) but contemplate the possibility of quintupling or deca-doubling (that’s 10X) our juggling of actions and responsibilities.

Some of you are shaking your head as you read this as you determine that this in no way reflects your behavior. Others, those whose mouths are drooping and drool drips in semi-delicate droplets, recognize the precision of these words. The more you do each day has become a sign of worth and for you to admit that you can’t do and be everything is a sign of ineptitude and incompetence. No one wants to feel any of these, even in the most fleeting of moments, so we continue with superpowers.

Is there a cure for this disease? The wonderful news is Yes! But it’s not easy and it will definitely take time and repeated reminders every time you or a trusted friend catches you falling back into “I can do anything, icity.” As with all addictions, facing the fact that there is a problem is Step 1 in curing it. Step 2 is realizing that making changes is critical to you and your healthy physical and mental survival. Step 3 comes (surprise) in multiple parts. Step 3 requires you to divide your responsibilities into four sections. A picture will help you really address this.

Take a piece of paper, fold it in half and then in quarters and at the top of each section write these labels: Box 1 – Obligations; Box 2 – Oopsligations, Box 3 – Delegations; Box 4 – Deletions. Boxes 1, 3, and 4 are headed by familiar terminology that you should now examine with fresh eyes. Bonuses are necessary for you. If baking cookies for a social gathering is something you love to do because mixing the dough increases strength, smelling the aroma as cookies bake increases power, and decorating the cookie box for delivery maximizes your artistic talents, then this is a must. , a responsibility that will also multiply the value of you. If, on the other hand, baking the cookies is a trial, a responsibility that makes you want to bite the hand that flew into the air to volunteer for the cookie caper, you should relegate this responsibility to another section of the paper.

This can make the baked cookie an “Oopsligation,” something you promised to do but are now very unhappy, even unhappy about doing. Learn from experience that even if you want to do your part, there is absolutely no reason you should be in cookie detail one more time. The next time volunteers are called for, sit on their hand, refuse to please, release yourself from responsibility. This is hard work because, as a QMT, you know that everyone is counting on you and that no one, and I mean no one, can bake peanut butter cookies with the dynamism that you possess. But she knows she has to give up some chores and this is one Sue can do (although it may mean packaged rather than homemade).

If your Oopsligation occurred as a result of a phone call, saying no can be even more difficult than resting your fingertips under her butt. While some will say that the impersonality of the phone is an automatic release of responsibility, as a QMT you know that this is not the case. With a live request, you can see it coming through the behavior, actions, and tone of voice that makes its way to you. On the phone you will most likely be caught by surprise. For this you must plan ahead. Take a note card of sturdy material (as you will often refer to it). He boldly writes: I can’t bake cookies [or any other task] because I already have obligations [no lie, you do]. Call me next time and I’ll try to help you. I realize you wanted to allow all cookies to be banned forever, but this is not healthy for a QMT. Since you like to help others, your psyche doesn’t want to be crossed off the cookie list forever, just for now while you get stronger to avoid Oopsligations.

Delegation. Cookies can have that role. Your daughter or son (niece, nephew, mother-in-law) loves to bake and since QMT has always been afraid to give up control of the kitchen. This is your opportunity to not only protect your own health and power, but also to allow others in your life to flourish. Caution: once you’ve delegated (an extremely complicated and thorny task), stay out of the kitchen. It can help in the selection of recipes and the gathering of ingredients and utensils before the process. You may offer a limited number of parting words as you leave the kitchen, but you may not, under any circumstances, stay in the room. Close at hand, the first two bakes are fine, as an oven fire is an ugly event, but after that, you need to walk away as you move towards newfound freedom. The power of this will be manifold as you are released from duty and someone you love gains responsibility and skill.

Finally there are the Eliminations. These items are liabilities you hate. You can’t continue to find yourself tied down to tasks that drain your energy, drain your power, test your talents, and drain your fuel tank. Deletions are the most difficult of all. It can be compared to a captain leaving his ship. When you delete, delete, dispose of, and eliminate a liability forever. If you know and can admit in your heart that one more request for cookies will send you to the brink of sanity and split you into thousands of irreparable crumbs, you should unleash a decisive and deliberate NO as you remove the rule of cookies from your life forever.

Again, a note card can help, especially if as a QMT you don’t want to hurt feelings, even the feelings of archenemies or eternal enemies. Most QMTs have huge, generous hearts where “No” translates to internal collapse and failure. The delete button is likely to be your toughest opponent, even more so than the person you’re about to refuse duty to. As you write your message on your note card, be sure to include words like never, impossible, infeasible, no way. You need to make it clear that you will in no way be available now or in the future to bake cookies.

With the written note in hand, practice saying it out loud over and over again. As a QMT, I know that turning down someone’s request for help is nearly as impossible as it is unlikely that I’ll keep my word. It is much easier to bend over than to sit upright and escape unwanted and unnecessary duty. That is why I can share with you so freely, realizing my own personal weakness. I will tell you that just writing about rejection is empowering. I am fully aware that if I could eliminate even one responsibilities from my daily list, valuable minutes would be exploited that could then be devoted to other activities that revitalize and maximize my strength.

Remember, you are as big as you want to be if you think so. I don’t think there’s a judge who, when evaluating your life, realizes that you only baked cookies for the bizarre (oh, what is it in a word! I mean bazaar!) 919 times instead of the 920 times you were asked . What will be remembered is the joy and personal love you radiated that you brought to every responsibility, the joy of which then spilled over to those you worked with.