If you are in the market for a divorce attorney, it would be wise to interview five to ten attorneys about your case. These interviews will help you learn about the different styles of advocacy and help you avoid the unpleasant and costly hassle of starting over with a new attorney in the middle of your case.

Some domestic relations attorneys take a very aggressive and hard-line approach, while others prefer negotiation, collaborative divorce, or alternative dispute resolution. Some attorneys handle a few divorce cases a year and would not be the right choice if your spouse has hired an aggressive divorce litigator. Your goal, as a prospective client, is to find an attorney whose approach and fee structure makes sense to you.

When meeting with multiple attorneys about your case, recognize that you are also being interviewed. You may find a lawyer who meets your criteria, only to find that they don’t want to take you on as a client because they perceive you as a “problematic client.” Here are some of the factors that make attorneys wary of accepting a new divorced client:

• avoid speaking ill of other attorneys you have met. Every attorney who has been in practice for a few years recognizes that a certain percentage of clients will turn and attack the attorney if things don’t go well. Not all cases go exactly as planned, and sometimes a judge will make an unfavorable decision. The attorney sees his job as creating logical and reasonable arguments on his behalf and presenting those arguments to a fact finder (judge or jury) in a clear and compelling manner. Clients who speak ill of other attorneys often have unrealistic expectations or demands, and good attorneys avoid accepting these clients.
• avoid an excessive focus on money. Assuming that the attorneys making your initial court are reasonable and fair individuals, they recognize that you do not want to spend more than necessary to pursue your case. An ethical and competent attorney will not spend time on your case to increase their fees. Likewise, good lawyers won’t take offense if you ask for more details about an entry on a bill. Most divorce attorneys end up spending time on your case that is not billed at all. No one can predict exactly how divorce litigation will proceed or what your spouse’s attorney will do. You should listen carefully when the attorney you are interviewing discusses fees and payment requirements. You may find, for example, that during the course of your interviews, several attorneys suggest a similar fee range for your case. You may need to adjust your own expectations. If you come across as a cheapskate who questions every entry on every bill, you may have a hard time finding the right attorney.
• Avoid blaming others for all your problems. Your life will not be pleasant during the divorce process. You will be under a great deal of stress and irritants that would otherwise not be a problem will bother you. Your attorney’s job is not to make you happy, but to represent your interests in an organized and purposeful manner. Since you will likely take the witness stand, a potential attorney will consider you as a witness. Do you present yourself as someone reasonable, logical and likeable? Or will you fend off a judge or jury by whining, complaining, and blaming your ex-spouse for all of his problems? Your attorney wants a good outcome in your case: if he is not a likeable witness, he is less likely to accept your case.
• recognize that there are no “winners” in a divorce case. If you express to an attorney your desire to “win” your divorce case by getting your way on all issues, your attorney will conclude that you live in fantasy land. Experienced divorce attorneys recognize that a divorce trial necessarily involves two angry and bitter people, operating at an emotional low point in their lives, asking a stranger to make far-reaching decisions about money and parental relationships. and children based on limited and conflicting information. The best you can hope for is to get out with as little damage as possible. If the end result is somewhat fair and reasonable, you are ahead of the game. Clients who understand this reality are far more desirable than clients looking for a big profit.

Experienced divorce attorneys appreciate and respect clients who bring a realistic understanding of the divorce process to their office. A good divorce attorney can provide predictability, understanding, and comfort at an unpleasant time in your life. If you need to overcome your anger and feelings of betrayal, a good psychologist is the right choice. You can increase your chances of finding a divorce attorney to take your case by coming across as a reasonable and appreciative person who needs help.