When we are in our 30s we are wise, then we were in our 20s. We are a little less in ourselves. We’ve made some bad decisions that we learned from and we’ve decided not to play anymore. During our 30s we have made large purchases, such as a car, a house or a vacation. Some are starting a family, feeling more comfortable in their careers.

At 40 things really start to change. Our good decisions are now paying off along with our house and we can afford new experiences, like starting your own business. We have more experience under our belt and feel comfortable not criticizing, but helping others make decisions based on our growing enthusiasm for wanting the best for others, not just ourselves. Another thing begins to happen in our 40’s. We began to realize that while we were growing up, our parents were getting older. They have been taking care of our grandparents and now they are waiting for us to step in and help them so they can have some free time to live the life they hoped for in retirement.

In our 50s, things start to look different again. Perhaps your grandparents are being cared for by a professional center that has given you more peace of mind. Many of us are now supporting our adult children in different ways. Maybe they’re having repercussions for poor decision-making, whether it’s in relationships, children, career, or finances. Whatever the reason the end result is, you may find yourself taking them back, dusting them off, and many times supporting them in every way once again.

Then there are our parents. They may have retired and moved to a southern state to get away from the snow and cold, but they are too far away for you to help them when you think they need it. The scenarios continue.
And you? What is all this care, or perhaps perceived problems, doing to your health and relationships? You are making decisions for 4 generations of people, but you cannot understand why you are so tired and exhausted at the end of the day. It’s easy to say you need to take some time for yourself, but the reality is that sitting down and resting doesn’t free your mind or add peace to your life.
Try making a list of the things that you feel are your obligations.

I hope you start with yourself. You have an obligation to yourself and your spouse if that is the situation, first and foremost. Then decide if your adult child’s housing really needs to continue. Chances are, getting a chance to move on with their lives is exactly what they want, too. It’s not your job to figure out how they’ll manage. I’m not suggesting anyone be kicked out, but maybe give them 2 months to move into a place of their own? Grandparents need family too. Enlist the help of other members of your family to visit them and help with their needs. Your parents are at a stage in their lives where they may or may not need help. Instead of imagining what they need or want, ask them. You may be surprised by what they have to tell you.

Know that the decisions you have made are perfect for today. You have everyone’s best interest at heart and now is the time to go back to the top of the list and create a tentative plan for yourselves. Not everyone wants the same things, but maybe they start with a date every Friday night. During this time, socialize with other people, even strangers at a restaurant. People who travel are great sources and are excited to share their experiences. They are usually happy to tell you where they have been and which places they would not return to. Perhaps joining a group of people who enjoy the same things you do will help you engage with like-minded minds?

The point is to find a logical way to take care of the most important person in your life, you. You won’t feel any different until you’ve made decisions and talked to the loved ones in your life. Just remember, go to people with what you have decided, not always questions, but answers. If you ask everyone what they would like, you may find yourself right back where you started.

Now that everyone is in a new place in your life, you can have peace in yours. You’ll be amazed at how different you feel and how soon you’ll have more energy to do the things you want to do. You may notice that your headaches go away, your joints feel less sore, and your shoulder pain lessens. The other thing that happens is that once you start making conscious decisions, you will notice that other people are making unconscious decisions that match your intentions. The Universe just begins to align things in your favor. If you are a journaling person, you will be able to look back and see how things began to change for you. You are worth this effort and once you start this process you will be impressed by how simple it works and you will find yourself doing it again, when the need arises.

After all, if life doesn’t get better, what’s the point?