You are going through a divorce which of course is a very traumatic experience for you. And if you have children, you need to think about how to mitigate the damage to them during this adjustment period. Here are eight tips to help you and your children through this stressful time.

Don’t disrespect your ex. When your kids are within hearing range, don’t say anything bad about your ex. This is his mother or father and no matter what, they love that person even if you don’t anymore. And the same goes for face-to-face conversations with your ex. It can be challenging at times, but keep it respectful. Children do ten times more what they see their parents do than what their parents tell them to do.

Continue family activities. Divorce doesn’t have to be the end of a family; It’s just the end of a marriage. Unless or until either of you remarries or otherwise takes care of yourself, you can still hang out together as a family if the divorce was relatively amicable. Maybe not as often as when you were married, but it would benefit your children to see that their parents are still friends.

When you are not around, call or write frequently. What is the best way to let your children know that you still love them? Stay involved in their lives. Let them know that you care about what they are doing and what is important to them.

Contact your ex directly. Don’t send messages through your kids to your ex, no matter how inconsequential the topic may seem. In this age of high-tech communication, it is not at all difficult to have a direct conversation with someone. Using your children as a buffer or a pawn is not fair to them.

Talk about divorce. It is extremely important to keep the lines of communication open at all times between you and your children. Tell them what to expect and encourage them to talk about their feelings about the divorce or anything else at any time. Don’t let your stress or anxiety get in the way of allowing them to feel safe and comfortable in communicating their feelings with you.

Give children journals or coloring pages to express their feelings. Depending on their age, this can help them resolve and vent some of their feelings. Tell them they can share it with you or keep it private, it’s up to them.

Do not introduce your children to a new boyfriend/girlfriend. Until it’s serious, keep your social life separate, especially if your divorce or separation is new. Your children will not be receptive to a stranger for quite some time.

Give your kids more time, not more stuff. Many divorced parents fall into the consent trap. They feel guilty or inadequate as a parent, so they give their children more things to try to connect with. Whose. Spend more quality time with them and be really present. Listening to them and asking questions about their interests will show them that you’re still there and you love them.

While you are being so good to your children and trying to handle your divorce responsibly and respectfully, be sure to take some time to honor and love yourself. You have made a big decision that will change the course of your life. It took a lot of courage. Here’s an inspirational quote to keep in mind from Harriet Beecher Stowe: “Never give up, for that is the time and place the tide will turn.”