Jealousy, lack of respect and self-respect

No matter how hard you try to justify jealousy (even in cases where you are being cheated on), it is ALWAYS the lowest feeling one can experience. And if you feel jealous (no matter what the reason is), you ALWAYS lose respect for yourself.

When you feel jealous, you usually operate on the wrong assumption (something like “illusions”) that someone belongs to you and therefore you want to control what they think, what they want, and where they want to be. Now try this: imagine that someone wants to control what you think, what you want and where you want to be. They can try all they want, but they will never be able to control their thoughts and desires. Similarly, you can’t control someone else’s thoughts and desires either. And you can never be sure what they are. So instead of trying to achieve the impossible, leave it alone. It is a waste of time and energy.

Instead, focus on your own feelings and try to control them. If you feel jealous, it is usually because you are not sure of yourself. In those moments, remember your own worth. Affirm your own qualities and practice self-love. Work on building your confidence and self-esteem. This is both empowering and self-respecting.

At this point you are probably wondering “But what if they are cheating on me?” Well, that is no excuse to be jealous. Being on the receiving end of infidelity usually brings up your self-esteem issues. This is why you need to work on your confidence. Because if you don’t, you will likely end up not only feeling jealous but also tolerating infidelity (for fear of being dumped), disrespecting you even more. Instead, you should simply get out of the relationship (assuming that infidelity is not in accordance with your personal values). That’s what any self-confident self-respecting person would do.

Look, when there is infidelity, most people show disrespect for themselves in both aspects: they get very jealous AND they stay in the relationship. But that is not productive and does not help you achieve anything. When someone is cheating on you, don’t take it personally. Empower yourself by affirming your own worth, refuse to feel jealous, and simply get out of the relationship. Taking personal responsibility for your feelings and actions shows a high level of self-respect and is the only behavior that can help you achieve a positive outcome.

Remember: if you want a good relationship, work on the relationship. If you want a great relationship, work on yourself!

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