YOU ARE LISTENING?

Do most of us participate in PARALLEL conversations?

Example:

1st Speaker: I have a dog.

Second speaker: I also have a dog.

1st Speaker: My dog ​​is a Border Collie.

2nd Speaker: My dog ​​is a shepherd.

1st Speaker: My dog ​​is very intelligent like his owner.

2nd Speaker: My dog ​​is considered the most intelligent breed.

This is a side conversation where two people could be on separate planets. There is an exchange of information without any of the speakers actually listening to the other. There is no connection within this conversation.

We have been programmed to try to convince people that we “know how they feel” in almost any situation. As the speaker speaks, our computer mind performs a file search to find a story that compares to what the speaker is saying, so that we can tell a similar story. Then they will know that we “know how they feel.”

Unfortunately, don’t you think we’re missing out on this file search? We, who communicate in parallel conversations, are not actually listening while the other person is speaking. We are preparing what WE will say when the speaker breathes. We might even “finish” the speaker’s sentences because we think we already know what they are going to say and we want our turn to speak.

Sometimes we even interrupt the speaker to tell OUR story.

An example:

1st speaker: How are you?

Second speaker: Oh. I’m tired today.

1st speaker: Tired! You don’t know what fatigue is.

I’ve been so busy that I don’t have time to acknowledge how tired I am.

2nd Speaker: I went to the doctor … and …

1st Speaker: (Interrupts) Yes, I don’t have time to go to the doctor, I’m so busy.

2nd Speaker: (Sighs). Bye.

We resign ourselves to the fact that the other person is not listening and we try to get away from the one-sided conversation that the person is having with himself.

Side conversations are boring. There is no dialogue, rather each speaker is giving a monologue. Boredom creeps in and takes hold of us like a virus.

Not listening has become so automatic that it kills the relationship without you noticing.

That is why listening has been described as “the art of listening.”

Are you willing to become an artist?

This is the one million question:

What’s missing from side conversations?

What is missing is one of the most life-giving qualities of the relationship … CURIOSITY! Albert Einstein says: The important thing is not to stop questioning … Never lose a holy curiosity.

When we were children, our curiosity was insatiable. We ask “why” about almost everything. Our “why’s” were frequently greeted with impatience and we heard an exhausted “because, or because I said so” instead of an answer to our question. Keep your hands on you. Do not touch that. We were socialized to conform and stifle our natural vitality.

So how can we regain our curiosity?

It is simple, but it takes time and practice. How can we be willing to learn, relearn and, perhaps most importantly, UN-learn the automaticity of our programming? How can we practice the art of listening by developing curiosity?

What can curiosity do for our life? Curiosity can foster a sense of vitality and make life an adventure. Curiosity can unleash our natural curiosity about the mystery of life and inspire us to ask questions.

So how can we really LISTEN? How can we allow curiosity to take the lead? Are we willing to ask questions? Are we willing to get reacquainted with the best friends of curious people, what, when, why, who, where and how?

So now, look through the lens of curiosity with our original conversation where curiosity reigns and the relationship is nurtured.

1st Speaker: I have a dog.

Second speaker: Really? What kind of dog?

1st Speaker: My dog ​​is a Border Collie.

Second speaker: That’s a cool breed. How old is she?

1st speaker: She is 10 years old.

2nd Speaker: Where do you stay, inside or outside?

1st Speaker: Oh, both. He sleeps inside but loves to be outside.

2nd Speaker: When did you receive it?

1st Speaker: When I was only 8 weeks old.

2nd speaker: Why did you choose a Border Collie?

1st speaker: She was in an animal shelter and we fell in love with her. We didn’t really care about his race. Do you have any animals?

Can you feel the curiosity, presence, and art of listening exemplified by the second speaker? It’s about building a relationship in conversation rather than demanding self-centered attention.

Are you willing to give yourself the gift of listening to your friends, your family, your colleagues, the waiters in a restaurant, the acquaintances you meet at the grocery store, YOURSELF?

When you nurture your curiosity, are you willing to feel more alive than you’ve ever felt? Are you willing to let life become a game? An adventure?

The art of listening is a gift that you can give to each person you meet during the holidays. Well actually, you could give this gift every day to everyone, including yourself.

Are you willing?

http://www.karenbethglunz.com