A lesbian crush, or is it love?
Therapist: “What brings you up today?”
Love Sick Lesbian (LSL): “I can’t take it anymore… I love her so much but she plays with my heart…”
Therapist: “Tell me more about this Love.”
LSL: “It’s been going on for years and I don’t know how to get over it… I don’t know if this is love or an obsession… or am I just crazy?”
Therapist: “Maybe it’s all of the above…mixed with a little infatuation.”
LSL: “Help me. Can you help me get over it?”
Fun? It’s not meant to be. Every day I receive at least one email from a woman who shares this exact thought process. He’s telling me in great detail about a woman, sometimes even more than one that he can’t let go of and has been holding on for months, if not years. The time and energy we put into our “unforgettable” love affairs is unimaginable. UNIMAGINABLE, not only in feelings and emotions but sometimes sacrificing other relationships and financial goals.
You could possibly define it as going crazy on some narcotic, and that wouldn’t be too far from the truth. However, like a drug, we will allow it to consume us until we have reached the limits of space…until, without a doubt, we can truly believe that there is no hope with this woman. Sometimes that road is endless as rays of hope are always close at hand, so how can we get past this passionate toxic relationship?
Infatuation is very different from love and is presented as feelings that cannot be confused with committed and loving love. When we are in love we are filled with feelings ofuncertainty and panic, lust is in full swing, and emotion overwhelms us, we are impatient and easily become jealous.
When we are infatuated we are almost in a sense on an overdose of love and we are having a severe reaction. None of us can say that we are happy while in that zone, as we are filled with feelings of doubt and distrust towards our “toxic love”. We can become so consumed that misery takes over and interferes with other areas of life: work, family, and friends. We are often dominated by sexual urges and needs that scream to be satisfied.
Why do we go crazy? Because when you meet a woman you are also attracted, you have a surge of energy that occurs in your brain stimulating the parts responsible for feelings of euphoria and attachment formation. However, as nice as it may seem, just like an addict, we become tolerant of this energy and start chasing the new high. Some of us jump from one relationship to another. Others create drama (Lesbian Drama Mamas) and sabotage themselves to build new heights (Psychodykos), or continue hurt and less confident than before (The Runners), only to fall into a similar hole later. Do you see any words that you can identify with?
How can we avoid this vicious circle of toxic love? Simple, you have to ride the river to romantic love. In other words, you have to change the way you express it. We are so anxious that we get caught up in moments that last for months or years. We forget to experience the feeling and allow it to move through us. Instead, we hold on and end up suffocating with our feelings and eventually becoming disillusioned.
lovesick diet
- Take the time to get to know someone and trust them.
- Enjoy the moment for what it is “A moment in time vs. I want this FOREVER.”
- Always have a supportive environment and use it when in doubt or hurt.
- Look at yourself. Examine your love template.
- Talk to a counselor about codependency issues and difficulty letting go.
- Most importantly, know your value and believe that it’s worth sharing with the right person at the right time and that your “crush” may not be (and that’s perfectly fine).
Alex Karydi ~ The lesbian guru
