You whisper a suggestion and the person next to you repeats what you said to loud applause. You want to scream and say “that was my idea,” but your throat is dry, you feel damp and sweaty, and you just want the moment to be over. His heart is beating so fast that he’s sure it shows. At least the focus is off you for now, but suddenly it’s your turn to offer something, to say something, and you can’t. You are frozen with fear. Business is moving forward and you want to say something, say anything to let your superiors know that you have something to contribute. The stress response has three options for you, fight or flight, which we are familiar with and then the third one, freeze. You can’t move. It is as if you have disconnected from your body.

You are sick and tired of seeing less qualified people rise above you, people you have even trained! Why doesn’t anyone notice you and sing your praises? You do all the work and you do it well but it goes unnoticed. You have fallen into the routine of being dependent, you never say no to extra work, but when favors are handed out, nobody notices your existence.

Was it always like this you ask? You used to have ambition and drive, but you’re stuck. Your bosses are getting younger and they see you more as a relic of a bygone age, no longer interested in the details you take pride in.

You feel unwell, you may have IBS or other stomach-related anxiety. Every day is heartbreaking as you try to find a way to get noticed for the right reasons. You’re competent when you’re left to work alone, but as soon as someone in authority is around, you freeze, just like you used to in school.

Why?

Because your mind associates authority and your “superiors” as somehow having power over you and you become the “little girl.” This is who is reacting in any situation where the focus is on you. She wants attention but she doesn’t want it and her mind is conflicted. You feel worthy of attention while that inner critic seeks to silence you. How many times have you said to yourself, no one cares what I have to say, what would I know, they will laugh at me.

Communication has very little to do with the words that are spoken. It’s the tone and your body language. This is why bullying claims are very difficult to prove, the words he said/she said are anemic on paper.

Whispering will not get you noticed, you have to learn to speak in such a way that others will listen. They listen to you. But you have to believe in yourself before others and believe in yourself.

Who is someone who always listens? Do they whisper and cringe or occupy the space they occupy without hesitation or apology for being close?

You can use them as a model, a way to understand the relationship between confidence and body language. Improve one, improve the other. Let’s start with these 4 steps. Stand in front of your mirror to notice as a before and after image. Look how you’re standing and your expression, it’s not funny to you, I bet. Now walk away and do the following:

4 steps to learn to speak:

1. Lower your voice. That’s right, tone it down. Little girls are sharp and so are women and men who lack confidence. Practice it in a store buying a coffee, practice it at home.
2. Play your favorite song in your head. This must be a song from when you felt alive and confident, an anthem from your adolescence. Singing activates both parts of the brain, the left (logical) for the words and the right for the melody. Immediately relax your body to prevent your shoulders from rolling forward in an attempt to disappear. Singing will encourage you to open your chest.
3. Learn to say “no.” Whether or not you have the time and energy, just start saying no. Don’t add an excuse. just say no Practice this in the mirror, at a lower pitch and loosen up with your favorite song, and say, no. Imagine the person who dominates you the most, the person you carry and say no. Laugh at yourself for the feeling of power this gives you. You are not a little girl/boy but an adult.
4. Whose confidence do you admire? It can be someone you know, an actor, or a character from a story or movie. Look at them with your mind’s eye, what do you admire? Immerse yourself in their bodies, like trying on clothes, and see how you feel.

Now go back to your mirror, what are the differences you can see? I bet your face is more relaxed and your body more at ease!

These are small steps that you can adapt and use right away. It is important to clear up the past and choose a mode of therapy that suits you. Hypnotherapy and NLP are ideal modalities for raising self-esteem as they go to the core of your inner self, your subconscious mind, and to heal your inner self that never learned to speak because it thought what it had to say was not worth it. to be heard.

You don’t need to be defined by your past. Let these 4 steps act as a catalyst to help you be heard.