Not too long ago there was a time when Thanksgiving meal was all about family. Members of an immediate family would get together, watch the parade on television, eat the big meal, and eat leftover sandwiches later that night. Some close relatives may arrive early to help or just before mealtime and shortly after, which was fine and to be expected, but no invitations were needed. Fast forward to today, when the Thanksgiving meal is considered a huge event by many people and an entirely new and complicated ball game. Who you invite to your holiday meal or Thanksgiving party you decide to attend can have immediate and even long-lasting social consequences.

Some say it started with extended families where the usual clear line of who was expected or invited to attend family Thanksgiving celebrations was blurred. Others claim that celebrities did the dirty things by turning their holiday meals into pseudo-charity events that their closest friends and family were expected to attend with no exceptions. Either way, offering or accepting invitations to the Thanksgiving celebration has become a complicated process that requires a lot of foresight.

Let’s start by offering invitations. If you’re hosting a Thanksgiving meal, the last thing you want is a lot of holiday drama or hassle. Start your planning in late October with a long list of family members that you think should or would like to be at your event. Make sure to take into account all family dynamics, disputes, and any past problems or awkward situations created by mixing up the wrong relatives. Get feedback on your choices from influential family members you trust. They may have the latest inside information on who gets along and who doesn’t, which can help you make a final decision about which family members to invite and which to exclude.

Once you have a good idea of ​​who you plan to invite to your holiday meal, shorten the list by calling to find out if your family members already have their own plans or are willing to make a serious commitment to attend the holiday celebration. Once you have a short list of people you are sure will come, put it in writing by sending them an email, text message, or RSVP letter. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had people tell me about situations where family members who didn’t show up told them later that they had forgotten they had that conversation just so they could accept an invitation from a romantic interest or a relative more. influential.

Because there are so many single people today who are out of relationships or tense with their closest relatives, many Thanksgiving holiday meal hosts find themselves in need of inviting friends or even close co-workers to the which would normally be just a family event. . Nobody wants to host the parties that allow a close friend or coworker to eat a frozen turkey dinner or a restaurant meal by themselves when they can invite those people to join their banquet (and score some points personal with them in the deal). However, these types of invitations require a lot of thought and a creative invitation process.

Most people don’t want to admit that they will be lonely or isolated on Thanksgiving for one reason or another, but at the same time they probably hope that a close friend or coworker will find out about their situation and invite them over. holidays. food and much needed social interaction. That includes couples. Just because someone is single doesn’t mean they don’t have a significant Other in their life. In some cases, that Other may be as isolated from his family as his partner. Couples need love at parties too and can welcome an invitation to a friendly holiday party. When inviting singles, ask them if they have someone special in their life that they want to bring.

Never make the people you plan to invite feel like you are doing them a favor or simply extending an invitation to your holiday event because you feel sorry for them. Make the close friends or coworkers you plan to invite feel that their presence would be an asset and much appreciated by you and your family. If they accept your invitation it will be because you made them feel that they would be welcome and not just guests. If they refuse, it will be because they have other plans and they are not just ashamed that you felt you had to invite them because otherwise they could be alone during the holidays.

The biggest problem for the host, who must make decisions about which non-family members to invite, is deciding who will fit in and who will not. People who are able to relate well to other people they have just met should be on everyone’s guest list. The spoilers who probably wander aimlessly around your house with the appearance that they only have a few minutes to live and lack social skills are not beginners, even if they happen to be good friends or close co-workers. You will never make people like that happy, whether you invite them to vacation or not, so don’t even try. Doing so will probably make your other guests miserable.

Another major problem Christmas hosts face is deciding the ratio of family members to invite, versus the outsiders who will be attending their Thanksgiving feast. At no time should you overwhelm immediate family members and close relatives with strangers. That will create a dead end situation for everyone, including you. Personally, I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life having family members remind me of the Thanksgiving meal I spoiled for them by having too many strangers present. A prudent host keeps the ratio at eighty percent of immediate family members and close relative; twenty percent all the others.

The thing to remember about Thanksgiving meal invitations is that while your event is based around an iconic holiday, you are basically inviting people to a dinner party that will tend to last much longer than most. Like all social occasions, the people you invite will make or break your event. It is important to have the right mix of social promoters and agitators, wall flowers, clowns and diplomats. Events take on a life of their own if they are not well planned and people tend to remember the best and worst of those they attend for years to come. If you take all of these things into consideration, your Thanksgiving celebration will really end up being something to celebrate.

If you find yourself in the not-so-unusual situation of being invited to more than one Thanksgiving party, you have a big decision to make. Regardless of your current employment status, friendship, or romantic relationship, immediate family members and very close relatives should always be the first to receive assistance. Employers, close co-workers, significant others, and friends come and go, but family members tend to be there for the long haul. It is not wise for anyone who is in good standing with their family to decline an invitation to any holiday or special event to be with people who are not family.

Sometimes turning down an invitation to a holiday meal is more difficult than it should be. Most of the people who invite you to their Thanksgiving Day party will understand if you decline their invitation because you plan to have your own party or have decided to attend one that is being held by someone very close to you. However, this will not always be the case. Whether they’re close relatives, friends, or coworkers, some people who host Christmas celebrations take them very seriously, and turning down an invitation from such people can be very troublesome.

There will always be people in your life who simply cannot take NO for an answer. When someone like that invites you to a Christmas meal, it’s time for tough love. You just have to tell them that you cannot attend and leave it at that. If you offer explanations or excuses, you are inviting them to try to convince you of whatever reason you have given for not attending your event. I’ve been in situations like that and I can tell you that they will be relentless in trying to get you to change your mind. It’s like talking on the phone with a salesperson who has a thick book of resolutions about whatever arguments or exceptions they offer against the purchase of your product or service.

Once you’ve made up your mind about whether or not to accept an invitation to a holiday meal, stick with it! Never accept an invitation and then walk away because someone else who invited you later put undue pressure on you. Smart hosts start inviting people to their Thanksgiving event no later than the end of October. People who call, text or email you a week before Thanksgiving expecting you to drop all your plans and attend their event are very bad planners. They cannot blame anyone but themselves when their invitations are summarily declined by you and others. So be smart, plan well, make the right decisions for the holidays, and have a Happy Thanksgiving!